Generally, women put more of a priority on relationships than men do. In fact, this is a significant challenge facing men today. No matter where I travel around the world, all cultures and all ages and all walks of life, men have to learn to put a priority on relationships. I can tell you personally that this has been a significant challenge for me.
As the level of influence and exposure God gave us increased, my wife (Hope) and I discovered something we were never taught or cautioned about before it happened.
With success, exposure, and publicity…comes isolation.
There is a level of freedom and privacy we can never reclaim, and no amount of money can buy freedom. You simply can’t put a price on it. I’ve learned to deal with it, but every leader, especially men, struggle with isolation and loneliness. That’s why it’s even more important for men to intentionally seek out relationships, because if left unto ourselves, we won’t typically do it. We aren’t wired for relationships the same way women are.
Women are built for connection. Men, you need to give her the space to have girlfriends, to catch a movie, to run to Starbucks and to have a regular girls night out. Ask women who have committed adultery as a result of over-bearing, controlling husbands, and many of them will tell you that part of the controlling spirit they experienced in their marriage was their husbands’ unwillingness to allow them time for relationships with girlfriends. Men, hear me on this: she’s wired for relationship. If you deny her the Godly relationships that consistent connections with other women bring, to whom shall she turn?
Believe me, I had to learn this the hard way myself! I used to take it personally if Hope wanted to be with her friends once in a while instead of being with me. In my mind that translated into “She doesn’t want to be with me!” I finally figured out it really didn’t have anything to do with me. She is built to need relationships and connections much more than I am.
Women approach new relationships with a different mindset than men. We simply look for a chance to hang out for a while, while they consider whether they have a desire to invest in the relationship. Sometimes I’ll be at home, and I’ll just sit there and listen to her conversations with her friends gossiping, and I’m thinking, “You have to be kidding me! No way I’m sitting here talking about that kind of stuff!” And I’m probably right, but it’s worth it to her. They’re wired to handle the drama, to be there emotionally for each other and not feel compelled to give answers, but just to support each other.
Relationship Builder Action Step: Men, this week, offer to watch the kids, and encourage her to catch a girls’ night out. I promise she’ll thank you for it.
This was great but I live with a pastor who is just the opposite, he is so busy having his relationships with church memebers and church things he can’t have a relationship with me. We can’t go anywhere without him being compelled to pray for someone and/or minister to someone’s need. My relationships with others don’t seem to struggle cause that is all I tend to have. Please consider speaking to those of us that are in this situation and believe me, I am not alone!