Every relationship goes through ups and downs, good times and bad times. I believe there are three stages of relationships. The first is a stage of hope and potential, where you’re infatuated with the newness of the relationship, and are somewhat blind to anything but the possibilities on the horizon.
The second is a stage of acceptance, where you learn to accept the little quirks of the other person, and determine if the relationship truly has lasting potential. Finally, the stage of perspective and balance. Over the next few blogs, I’ll discuss with you each of these stages in depth, beginning today, with the hope and potential stage.
Hope and potential truly is the first stage of a relationship, from the very first moment you met and had your first date. It’s when all you see are many possibilities and you’re blind to any potential flaw or annoyance the other person may have. You’re burning to be with them every moment. Everything negative about that person goes completely unnoticed by you—but usually not by your mama, your friends, and everyone else.
When they see those negative things, most of them aren’t telling you, and even if they do, you won’t hear them anyway. In your mind, everything about your partner is 99% perfect and maybe 1% bad, and to heck with the 1%, you know you can change that!
Every relationship in life starts out with hope and possibility—friendships, romantic relationships, business ventures. Everyone focuses on what life could be, what life could hold, and we never really take into account the ebb and flow of life, the changes that come into play, and the frustrations that are inevitably going to arise. We never truly consider how the storms of life will affect our relationship, we only see the potential, and get so caught up that we say things like, “no matter what, even if I had to live in a tent, I would do anything just to be with him/her.”
Then…we get married. We look around the tent and realize we said we would live in a tent with that person at a time when we didn’t really understand them. We didn’t understand their past relationships, their past hurts, their parents, her broken places or his inability to find a career and stick to it. All that and more could be in the same tent, and we’re suddenly in an overcrowded tent that we never bargained for and we can’t wait to get out! At this point, you stay, but you settle into an acceptance stage, which is what I will be focusing on in my next post.
Relationship Builder Action Step: Have a date night, and spend time this week away from the craziness of day to day life, and tell each other all of the things that caused you to fall in love with each other in the first place.
Very interesting and so true 4 some. IWe how every went n with eyes wide open new what we were getting n2. The problem I tried to be what I thought Ia wife should be and n the process lost myself and wanted to place blame. Took me a while to realize no one asked me to I just assumed.
Such a powerful message and so interesting! Every relationship has stages, but overall the main point is to keep that relationship together and OVER OBSTACLES. Wonderful, wonderful, and such an eye opener to many. A relationship is a balance of both worlds trying to come together to form a great union. Time to develop, show respect, grow and understand are great steps to for laying that platform in a relationship. LOVE YOUR POST/ARTICLES.
Very insightful. I began reading this with a one-sided view of where you were going. You actually just verbalized a portion of the non-verbal communication that my husband and I have entertained in our 10-year marriage. I’ve cleared my Saturday evening and I’ve just invited him on a date. God Bless!
I agree with this message 100%. I went into my marriage knowing that my husband was using drugs, but I chose to believe that was a part of his past (Hope and potential stage).Then reality set in. That’s when I had gotten to the place that your talking about (THE ACCEPTANCE STAGE). I thought this was just how life was gonna be for me , because of my unwillingness to listen to friends and family who warned me of the drug abuse. We have been married for 11 years now. It has been a struggle and I have learned alot. However I have moved past the acceptance stage, and have learned that my joy comes from the LORD . I don’t just say that because I have covered my hurt up, but have been restored. You can have joy and peace even in a not so blissful marriage.
Well this is all true but a lot of my problem with ending up with the right one how do you know if you are with the right one when you been alone so long all you can think about is I’m ready to get married and you are a bit desperate it doesn’t show cause you have peace but the stuff you put up with seems you may be settling for what’s in front of you cuz truth is you are afraid of not knowing when the next opportunity will come along is there a divine mate or is that a mith like errrr!! thang!! Els quirky you here in the church could I be meant to be single women and mom and I don’t want to face it plus I feel I’m more productive as a single the one time I give in to date after 5 years I get distracted the man seems to be intemidated by my our church body un knowingly conducts our relationship from elders to his past relationships could I be in fear that I’ll get hurt he loves me spiritually but has to try very hard to understand me naturaly can God be in it if we have these kind of issues this early on? Or could it be we are so busy trying to not make a misstake that we just forgetting to fall on love we analize each other down to nothing whic means I don’t believe I can live up to my own expectations never the less he live up to mine and I believe it’s similure if not the same for him
I’m notg married but i do live with my high school sweetheart. We split for about 15 years and found eachother again. I went into this relationship, picking up where we left off at as children. We have changed since high school and the same thing doesn’t work. We still love eachother a great deal and we do do date night, and that’s what keeps us together. All the talks and just listening sessions really do work. You hit the nail on the head as usual.
I’m not married but i do live with my high school sweetheart. We split for about 15 years and found eachother again. I went into this relationship, picking up where we left off at as children. We have changed since high school and the same thing doesn’t work. We still love eachother a great deal and we do do date night, and that’s what keeps us together. All the talks and just listening sessions really do work. You hit the nail on the head as usual.
Awesome Awesome blog… The steps you have listed are so true.. I have experince them all in the 2 relationships I had with males in my adult life… One thing that I hope you go into depth about is how to help a man to open up emotional when he has lost his mother at a young age… As a child one tends to lock the emotions away and as an adult male one tends not to be very emotional but one knows when they are in love(this is what I have gathered from my ex-boyfriend in a recent conversation with him)…
This is so true. In the beginning stage we all want to see the potential and not the warning the signs. Some people see the signs but ignore them because of their own low self esteem. They don’t want to be alone or they believe that they don’t deserve better. So they settle for what they know to be a bad relationship. Instead of keeping an open mind and having an listening ear for God’s direction for our lives, we sometimes settle for what feels good at that moment. God will never steer us in the wrong direction with who we need to commit our selves to in relationships with the opposite sex. The question is, will we let our emotions rule or will we be submissive to the voice of God. When we let our emotions, our feelings for some one else, rule in our lives, we miss out on hearing the directions or warnings from God. This is the mistake that many people are making today. They allow their emotions to rule. God wants us to have His very best in our lives. that includes the person He has for us to spend our life with. He doesn’t want any of us to settle for less.
I agree with the underlying premise whole heartedly – a tale as old as time
. I do think, with as much self-awareness as we can muster, and some willing observation skills, we can experience the first stages of a relationship without losing our heads completely. I would tackle specifics like, how does self-awareness, the observation of others, AND fun engagement look like operating all together? I would say, know yourself, know the signs, experience the season.
I’m currently not in a relationship. I’m divorced and I’m taking the time to learn how to be a Christian single. I appreciate your series on building relationships; it’s important to learn the truth about what relationships are REALLY about. I recently ordered your “Excel U,” I listen to it over and over again to drill it into my mind and seal it in my Spirit. Thanks for your wisdom and sharing our experiences in ministry with us.
I am 51 years old and have never been married and currently am not in a relationship. I know it is the will of God for me to be married and at this time I am enjoying living the single life as a Christian. I purchased your “Excel U” series and listen to it over and over again as well as reading Myles Munroe’s book on Understanding the Power and Purpose of a Woman. I thank God for the wisdom of you both. I am believing that when (not if) I do get married I will have gain so much knowledge and wisdom to have an awesome marriage. Yes there will be challenges but I will have the wisdom and knowledge of God’s word to overcome them with along with my husband.
I am 37yrs old never been married. I am not in a relationship. Your teachings are helping w/ family issues. I were adopted when 11or 12. Since i been chasing these rabbits down the hole. I’m learning to be self 1st not selfish. I would give all my hard earnings wanting this Love from my Fam. I would forgive but kept pickin same issues. Your teachings help me to tie it all together. Now I’m focus completely on the Lord & business growth. Thanks Apostle Ron & Hope. Trying to write these books. In due season it all will come.My help mate is on the way. Tunnel vision God got this.