I try to teach singles about being very wise when dating, because traditional dating usually doesn’t prepare you for the “real deal”. When you date, you don’t get the real version of the other person. You get a representation of them. When you date someone, you’re not dating the person, but the representative they send to the steak dinner. Their representative puts on their best clothes, best language, best breath freshener, and best cologne, chooses the best restaurant, and so on, making sure absolutely everything is the very best. Then, once you marry them, you meet the evil twin they kept hidden for months or even years!
Sometimes after church, people say to me “We just love you Pastor Ron. We just love you.” I’m honored, but sometimes I shake my head and laugh; all I can think is, “they don’t know me!” They love the fact we just had a great service and the gift on my life touched theirs, and I am grateful because God gave me that gift for them. But, just because I gave a great sermon that touched your life, doesn’t mean you know the real Ron! You love Ron’s gift, but my gift is not me. There’s a whole other person when I step out of this role, and it takes a whole different level of person to love the Ron behind the gift.
When women are talking with their girlfriends about the man they’re dating, you hear them say things like, “He’s so charming!” My question to you is: Have you ever seen him when he’s not charming? He is always going to have his game face on when you’re dating, and he probably isn’t going to give you a glimpse of the real him. Can you love the person they represent? That’s the real person, the one you have to make sure you’re falling in love with. That’s who you have to decide whether or not you can love.
There’s more to dating than meals and superficial chatter. You need to be able to recognize people in more than one season of life before you tie a Covenant knot.
Action Step: Write down the seasons you’ve seen that person go through, then make 3 columns on a page and distinguish what you love about their behavior, their gift, and last but most important…the real them.
Now that’s a good word, Pastor! We have to get off the surface and go deep when we are choosing to build relationships. Otherwise, there is the potential for becoming unequally yoked. We have to understand who we are strapping oursleves to. And that’s not just for the marriage reltionship, either. It’s for friendships, as well. The Bible says that “deep calls unto deep”. Our spirit will tell us who is safe for us to connect with, but we have to do our part and listen.
Thanks for this insightful and honest instruction.
Very true!!! I’ve been married for 4yrs now and ther person I thought I was marrying was just a lie. He acted like a man of God, a huge family man, and all the things you pray for in a spouse. And I truely felt at that timel that God did bring us together. There were somethings that I didnt know about him that I shoud have. But i didnt care b/c again he came across and this totally awesome person. BAGGAGE always learn about the baggage!!! After we got married he hid his true self for about 6 months and then BAM all the bad stuff came out…I fell in love w/ words that he had said and the person that he portrayed that I wanted so desparately.. Now I am having to live w/ my choices. Thats a day to day battle. So pastor you are totally right. And women are the same way. They only want you to see the pretty and hear the good. But can you handle when its not so peachy? GET TO KNOW ALL ABOUT THE PERSON BEFORE YOU MAKE BIG COMMITMENTS. **my lesson got learned the hard way**
So True!! Learn the people you are w/. Learn all their ins and outs. Learn about their families, what makes them tick, LEARN AS MUCH AS YOU CAN!! Men and women are good at putting up fronts only to bring a person in. It doesnt take much to have their true colors show. When they do can you handle who and how they are? Learn them before you take a big step and get into something that is not so easily gotten out of.
Thank you pastor for bringing that to peoples attention. Its a good word and something people really need to think more about.
you’ve got to get past the shiny chrome and nice paint job to deal with the junk in the trunk…this blog goes right along with the relationships cd set that i’ve listened to…this is great stuff to soak in…very beneficial…
I am a firm believer of everything Apostle Ron said! I have dated someone for over 5 years and I have seen him in all stages! I am (28 years old)not married to him at all, and dont think that i will unless there’s some drastic changes made in his life..I really hate that i didnt get to Redemption earlier in life because I really think my life would be alot different from the Word that is taught to me by Mr. Ron! His encouraging Word from God has changed my whole life perspective. I will not marry a man who does not have a personal relationship with God! If you dont live for God then there’s only one other person thatyou live for (THE DEVIL), And Ron has taught me that! I love God with all my heart but i still struggle with the dating thing, because in society we were taught to test everything before we decide to buy it. But if God is our creator and he Made us, then that means he knows what we like, and he said that he will give us the desires of our heart. I could write a whole book on this, but thinks Apostle Ron for the Word!
You are blessed to have members tell you they love you. It’s a “new” commandment from God. If they were speaking of Eros love, then there would be cause for concern. Agape love is mandated and if they did not love you they would be hell bound. Don’t you tell your members and partners you do not “know” that you love them?
If they approached you and said they hated you, would you feel better and accept that more readily than them saying they love their pastor. I believe there are many pastors who would welcome that.
I love sinners with gifts. I love you because God said I should. That paragraph about people loving your gift and not Ron is sad. We are taught to look for Christ in others and love Him. If you’ve stood there preaching before them for however long, of course they love you and they should.
Accept their love and do not belittle it. Your gift isn’t THAT enormous to refuse what is being offered from their hearts.
As I said, if it’s Eros love, that’s another blog entry but that’s not what you’ve said.
I agree with everything else. That paragraph stood out and could have been omitted in my humble opinion.
I love you.