I get asked all the time how I have tens of thousands of members of our congregation at Redemption World Outreach Center follow my leadership like they do. I explain that it’s not because I’ve been perfect, it’s that I’ve managed to have more successes than failures.
A relationship should be a safe place where I can be transparent before the outcome of my decisions happens. In other words, I’m transparent along the way; I share my heart behind a decision on the front end, and ask others to follow me. They know that sometimes I’ll make mistakes, but they know I’ll never intentionally break their trust in my motives. I have failed several times, but because I’m a transparent leader and my wife (Hope) and I have a transparent marriage in front of them, when we fail we go right back to them and tell them we failed. The beauty of this is that over time, when you have a string of seven, eight, nine successes, you earn the right and gain the leverage to be freed up to make bad decisions now and then.
This same principle works in relationships, in friendships, in church, in business, and absolutely works in healthy marriages. Nobody will hit success every time, because the more you grow and the more you get outside your comfort zone and take risks, the more opportunities you also have to fail, or even just to come up short of the expectations of others. That’s the downside of deciding to live your life constantly striving for what God wants for you to experience. Over time, with enough successes comes the relationship leeway: grace and mercy on the failure side of things.
Relationship Builder Action Step: This week, set time aside to talk about areas each of you failed, how it made the other feel, and what you’ve learned about YOURSELF from the experience.
Extremely insightful, very clear! Thank you for expressing the truth intelligently.
We have made these relationship builders a fun tool to prepare us for marriage. I read the email and pass it to him. Then we work on our assignments. We have had some great laughs over our answers. But more importantly we have had some very open honest conversations that we wouldnt have had otherwise. Each and every one has enlightened us on an area we might have stumbled over later. Thank you for helping us clear a path to the alter.
Just the other day my husband and I had a very similar conversation of confession and apologies. It was more relieving, refreshing and encouraging than I thought it would be. To accept being human and capable of human mistakes and successes, made it easier to forgive each other. I think having a false belief that you will never fail is the trap. Learning and knowing what God will have us do when we make the mistakes, truly helps us to be successful. This is amazing. Today I love God more than yesterday. Thank you sharing God’s message.
Great post Ron. I really think that you’ve hit the nail on the head. These days people are looking for authenticity, especially from church leaders. Our transparency about our failures gives others hope that although they may have failed, God can still use them. Thanks for being transparent. 2 Cor. 12:9