Break ups, past hurts, and divorce can be damaging, and the effects can last long after the dust has settled.
When Jesus spoke of the union between a man and a woman He said, “What God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.” When you tear something apart, the remaining pieces are always left with jagged and tattered edges.
Whenever you come out of a relationship that left jagged edges and try to go into a new one without recovering, you bring those jagged edges with you into the new relationship, and end up cutting the other person.
Find a woman who’s hurting from a relationship, where she desperately wanted to talk and her partner didn’t let her speak her mind, and you’ll find jagged edges and unresolved issues in her next relationship. Look at a woman that leaves Freddy and turns to Timmy. Timmy needs new tires and asks to see her credit card and all of a sudden she blows up at him. Timmy doesn’t know that Freddy ran up all her credit cards without telling her, deceived her, ruined her credit, and all that’s left is a place that is jagged and broken and never had the chance to heal.
Hear me: You always get an overreaction in an area that has never been healed. People holler louder when you hit them where they’re already bruised.
Wherever there has been a violation, that’s an area likely to be over-scrutinized—wherever a person was violated is the place they tend to examine a lot closer. Similarly, if you violated your spouse in an area, understand you have opened yourself up to be over-scrutinized. If you were unfaithful, you can expect her to be skeptical every time you come home late with your time unaccounted for. You can expect to get questions because trust has been violated, and the violation has given her the right to scrutinize. If you maxed out five credit cards in his name and the two of you are in debt, I promise you the next time you come in the house with a shopping bag, he’s gonna ask questions. You have to let this happen, because you’ve torn the union at a trust level and now your partner has the right to over-scrutinize in that area until the trust has been restored and the jagged edges have been healed.
Relationship Builder Action Step: The next time your partner overreacts, take time to see what the underlying issue is to their reaction. It could be a much bigger deal than you ever realized, and if you can understand the bruise in a deeper way, you can help them work through their hurt, without shame and condemnation; rather, in love.
I have a questionis it right for a church never help or fellowship with a person until they need something has money the head?
Truth. For the one being hurt, it’s important to remember that you can’t “fix” your friend. For us men, I think there’s always the temptation to want to “fix” our wives/fiancées/girlfriends. But only Christ can do that.
I have tried to end a dead end relationship for more than 4 months. When I say we are both good Christians, but things did not work out. He says that I am being blinded by Satan. I feel very relieved when he does not call, but a burden when he does call. We live 600 miles apart and we’ve visited 5 times in 2 years. He has wanted me to relocate to his state from the outset and has interjected the idea of marriage on our 1st date, stating that he knows what he wants.
Is he playing games? Can he be serious? In the beginning he seemed interesting and I told him that I would not want a long distance relationship, yet we kept talking. At first I had the let’s wait and see attitude, now I see how my kindness is being taken as a weakness. The pattern has been I will not agree, he will object and provide reasoning, he will continue to call. When I repeat my objection he gets upset and says that I am never pleased. I just want to stop the madness!
I’m having a REAL problem letting go of the hurt and pain that I’ve encountered in past relationships. I know that I can’t take out on the next man the hurt that I have had to deal with. But no matter how hard I ‘ve tried not to I do. For this reason I’ haven’t even tried to date in the past 8 years so that I can get myself together. I’m tired of being alone but I don’t want to make him pay for another man’s mistakes.